When I’m not telling them to shut up…
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<div class=”fb-post” data-href=”https://www.facebook.com/samantha.campos/posts/10203216537233792″ data-width=”466″><div class=”fb-xfbml-parse-ignore”><a href=”https://www.facebook.com/samantha.campos/posts/10203216537233792″>Post</a> by <a href=”https://www.facebook.com/samantha.campos”>Samantha Campos</a>.</div></div>
…I quite enjoy hearing guys talk. Or rather, overhearing slightly inebriated men converse with each other in bars. I find it wildly entertaining–kinda like traveling to an exotic country. A couple days ago, I found myself at Ben & Nick’s in Oakland with temporarily incapacitated eyeballs (optometrist appointment, dilating of pupils). Which means I couldn’t read, write or compulsively check out everyone’s “Which Viral Video Parody Are You?” quiz results on my iPhone. I was forced (really, I had NO choice) to pretend to watch the Scotland vs. France Football on the overhead TV while I actively listened to the two friendly dudes, aka “Matt” and “Rob,” who had the misfortune of sitting next to me–enticed, I’m sure, by my steaming hot plate of garlic fries.
Here’s a list of their topics, which they seamlessly covered over the course of one hour, and you’ll see what I mean:
- Reverse Vasectomies, and how women try to get you to have them.
- Dad’s Cancer, and how you hope it’s not like Grandmother’s. That was bad.
- The ills of driving the 5 or the 99 from Stockton to Bakersfield, a shithole town where you once happened upon a bar in which the patrons were line-dancing to hip-hop.
- French Bourdeaux and Napa Valley Cabernet Sauvignons, the best years of.
- Craft Beers, the dissection and discovery of, every time you order another one from the bartender.
- “So my brother’s in town…” Laughs. Obvious inside joke.
- Advice Alert: When you don’t understand your girlfriend’s scheduling motives, Keep Your Mouth Shut. Always say this: “Whatever you want to do…”
- Regrets over marrying the Hot Girl. Missed chances with others who were probably perfect for you.
- After a Rare Moment of Silence: “Thank god for beer,” says Matt. “And girls,” says Rob. The solemn clinking of beer mugs.
SUGGESTED MAN TALK SOUNDTRACK: “Right Down the Line,” Gerry Rafferty. “Simple Man,” Lynyrd Skynyrd. “It’s My Life,” Bon Jovi.
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